Don't miss a beat. Carlin was at his best talking about America's broken political system, summing up the anger, resentment and frustration felt by much of the population who knew something was wrong but could not express it. ", 8. As for the poor, they tell us theyve lost all incentive because weve given them too much money. F*ck Hope. George Carlin, In America, anyone can become president. "Forget the politicians. I mean, life is tough. "I have as much authority as the Pope. When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. This cookie is set by the provider Akamai Bot Manager. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time. This is set on the first visit of the visitor to the site and updated on subsequent visits. The stand up comic was an artist who did more than articulate the public's subconscious; he embodied America's intellectual counter culture and provided sanctuary from the crisis of modernity. It also helps in fraud preventions. [5] And another one: ", 5. And nobody seems to notice, nobody seems to care. ", 10. Set by addthis.com to determine the usage of addthis.com service. American - Comedian May 12, 1937 - June 22, 2008. At all. What we need is a king, and every now and then if the kings not doing a good job, we kill him. '", 70. "'Bipartisan' usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out. ", 11. When you see the documentary, you'll see this, but the evolution of Carlin wasn't just . Full transcript of George Carlin's "Dumb Americans," excerpted from "Life is Worth Losing, his 13th live comedy stand-up special, performed at the Beacon Theatre in New York City for HBO. Even sex has to be approached from, shall we say, a different angle to accommodate pain. ", 32. Everybody complains about politicians. This cookie is used to collect data on user behaviour and interaction to make advertisement on the website more relevant. "I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. But once youre born, youre on your own. They own and control the corporations. ", 111. This cookie stores a visitor's unique identifier for Chartbeat tracking on the site. "Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to f**k.", 71. Everybody's . ", 122. That's the problem. They want it back so they can give it to their criminal friends on Wall Street, and you know something? But, he is wrong here. Join. This is what we have to offer. All day long beating you over the head with their media telling you what to believe, what to think and what to buy. "A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Analytics". Whats that, a bonus? "People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point. That's about as close as you could get to pegging him as any party affiliation. In 1972, he was arrested for violating obscenity laws after his infamous comedy sketch, 7 Words You Can Never Say On Television. His beliefs in fairness and equality in. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure. You dont have to be a historian or a political scientist to see the bigger-dick foreign policy at work. You don't. You have no choice. God has a three-day weekend. This country is full of nitwits and assholes. The rights and the rights of property. There is actually a semi-important figure in American history who is named for a blow-job movie. "Careful, if you think too much, theyll take you away. ", 3. #AmericaWakeUp. However, Ice Cube has endorsed neither Trump nor his Democratic rival, former Vice President Joe Biden. They own everything. When youre born in America, you get a front row seat. George Carlin, Isnt making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool? George Carlin, Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. George Carlin, I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Wheres the self-help section? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. George Carlin, Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. George Carlin, Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? George Carlin, Weve learned how to make aliving, but not alife. "If its true that our species is alone in the universe, then Id have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. Some people dream of things that never were and ask, 'Why not?' It doesn't matter what side you're on. He always needs money! George Carlin, I am is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Why? ", 65. ", 31. They don't want to hear from you. The __qca cookie is associated with Quantcast. ", 13. Carlins truth-telling about the influence of corporations in America and the willful blindness that allowed someone like Trump to assume power. George Carlin was a comedian and social critic. Ice Cube added the brief caption, "Facts.". And nobody seems to notice. -George Carlin There you are. This cookie is set by the BlueConic. They own you. ", 15. He loves you, and He needs money! ", 46. ""I don't think we should be governing ourselves. "Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy. Carlin was a New York City-based stand-up comedian, social critic, writer, and actor, best known for his unconventional and vulgar comedy routines. The stand up comic was an artist who did more than articulate the public's subconscious; he. "I put a dollar in a change machine. "In America, anyone can become president. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. Yeah, the public sucks. They dont want a population of citizens capable of critical thinking. Known for his lack of patience for bullshit, the comedian regularly skewered all politicians, the election of Donald Trump as president. Everybody complains about politicians. A unique user identifier cookie, set by Microsoft Application Insights software, that enables counting of the number of users accessing the application over time. 4. Religion is like a pair of shoes, you have to find the one that fits you. You have no choice. "Governments don't want well-informed, well-educated people capable of critical thinking. Daniel Kurtzman is a political journalist turned satirist. You know what the motto for this country ought to be? They come from American parents and American families, American homes, American schools, American churches, American businesses, and American universities, and they are elected by American citizens. It gloriously backfired, Dictionary.com just added several new LGBTQ+ words & also grundle, Love, drugs & the club: As a gay man, life looks different with a new disability, Kim Petras says the road to fame while trans was twice as long, School bans parents as a threat to kids over LGBTQ-affirming posts, Sam Smith is trending on Twitter and the discourse is truly Unholy. You think the schools are the way they are by accident? "The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity. Its a big club and you aint in it. And nobody seems to notice. ", 119. Bluekai uses this cookie to build an anonymous user profile with data like the user's online behaviour and interests. You get kicked out when youre too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. ""Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? ", 54. Enjoy! - Gin Wigmore. Carlin had 14 comedy specials, several published books and CDs, 5 Grammy awards, many TV and movie roles, and the title of being the first-ever host of Saturday Night Live, all under his belt. Deal with it. With his daring satirical jokes, his words will make you laugh and make you think profoundly about everything you experience. No neonatal care, no daycare, no Head Start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothing. If they say, Were the So-and-Sos, take a walk. By clicking Accept, you consent to the use of ALL the cookies. I don't trust none of them. I prefer dogs, because dogs don't care. There's only the immediate future and the recent past. Quantserve sets the mc cookie to anonymously track user behaviour on the website. RLCDN sets this cookie to provide users with relevant advertisements and limit the number of ads displayed. ", 104. ", 7. By clicking Accept All Cookies, you agree to the storing of cookies on your device to enhance site navigation, analyze site usage, and assist in our marketing efforts. The great George Carlin once said in an interview that he divorced himself from concerns and problems from the world. ", 11. Maybe this time itll work. After that, they don't wanna know about you. ", 48. Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. This cookie is set by DoubleClick and is used for re-targeting, optimisation, reporting and attribution of online adverts. New evidence may suggest they don't and many voters are skeptical, too. "Boy, these conservatives are really something, arent they? ", 43. Then they would drink a lot of coffee.' ", 22. They're all in favor of the unborn. We're all fucked," Carlin once said. This cookie is used by PwC to track individual visitors and their use of site. The first one is: 'Never believe ANYthing the government says.' George Carlin Believe, Government, Rules To Live By 48 Copy quote Tell people an invisible man in the sky created all things, they believe you. ", 81. There's a nice campaign slogan for somebody: 'The Public Sucks. They dont care about you at all. It's what our system produces: Garbage in, garbage out. The ad-id cookie is provided by Amazon Advertising for tallying user actions by tracking ad clicks on other websites, to provide targeted content. This cookie, set by YouTube, registers a unique ID to store data on what videos from YouTube the user has seen. "My mother would say, 'Why are you always playing alone?' This cookie is used to track the behavior of a user within the current session. The _ga cookie, installed by Google Analytics, calculates visitor, session and campaign data and also keeps track of site usage for the site's analytics report. No nothing. "He and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever f**k things up this badly. ", 16. ", 9. ", 88. The embattled gay representative has denied his drag persona, but these three performers have embraced her with comedic flair! Nobeody seems to care. But there is an I in independence, individuality, and integrity. This cookie is set by Segment to count the number of people who visit a certain site by tracking if they have visited before. The domain of this cookie is owned by Nielsen. They never mention that part to us, do they? I see a glass thats twice as big as it needs to be. George Carlin, How come when its us, its an abortion, and when its a chicken, its an omelette? George Carlin, Laugh often, long and loud. Performance cookies are used to understand and analyze the key performance indexes of the website which helps in delivering a better user experience for the visitors. NID cookie, set by Google, is used for advertising purposes; to limit the number of times the user sees an ad, to mute unwanted ads, and to measure the effectiveness of ads. "Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. ", 96. The table has tilted, folks. Its you. He has been widely cited as a political humor expert and authored two books on the subject. ", 33. ", 27. Trouble is, most of them suck. "Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? The cookie is used to store and identify a users' unique session ID for the purpose of managing user session on the website. "The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. It takes up a lot of your time. YouTube sets this cookie via embedded youtube-videos and registers anonymous statistical data. You have no choice. It's so f**kin' heroic. This cookie is set by Segment to track visitor usage and events within the website. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time. After that, they dont wanna know about you. After that, they don't want to know about you. This ensures that the cookie consent box will not be presented again upon re-entry. Theyre anti-woman, simple as it gets, he said. May 12, 1937 - June 22, 2008. Simple thing. "I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. George Carlinwas one of the greatest comedians that ever graced a stage, and his comedy was as poignant and deep as it was hilarious. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Save the planet; we dont even know how to take care of ourselves yet. As they lay there, completely vulnerable to their enemies, their only movements were to occasionally shift from one position to another; or, if one of the 'mind adventures' got too real, they would sit up and scream and be glad they weren't unconscious anymore. I just dont have as many people who believe it. George Carlin, Now, theres one thing you might have noticed I dont complain about: politicians. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZijLQGH1v0 No, wait, hold on . God has a three-day weekend. George Carlin, The real reason that we cant have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not commit adultery, and Thou shalt not lie in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. Thats the problem. George Carlin, I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood. George Carlin, Governments dont want a population capable of critical thinking; theywant obedient workers, people just smart enough to run the machines and just dumb enough to passively accept their situation. George Carlin, How can He be perfect? Maybe something else sucks around here like, the public. "The things that matter in this country have been reduced in choice, there are two political parties, there are a handful insurance companies, there are six or seven information centers, but if you want a bagel there are 23 flavors. Its part of that showoff and dropout syndrome. This cookie allows the website to identify a user and provide enhanced functionality and personalisation. Lobbying, to get what they want. They come from American parents and American families, American homes, American schools, American churches, American businesses and American universities, and they are elected by American citizens. ", 42. Theyre not interested in that. George Carlin. If you can't beat someone, arrange to have beaten him. Set aside 30 minutes to watch investigative journalist Whitney Webb speak with MintPress News in the video above. They say, 'If you don't vote, you have no right to complain,' but where's the logic in that? Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to nine months. "We have multiplied our possessions but reduced our values. [] I look at war a little bit differently. Thell get it all from you sooner or later cause they own this fuckin place. Now come the lawsuits, Weird Texas GOP bill would give big tax cuts only to hetero couples with lots of kids, Libs Of TikToks Chaya Raichik & Nikki Haley gave CPAC speeches to mostly empty rooms, 5 times The Onion brilliantly skewered J.K. Rowlings & The New York Times transphobia, A right-wing podcaster tried to smear Pete Buttigieg. It does not store any personal data. Politics Notify me about new: Board Topics. George Carlin. The domain of this cookie is owned byOracle Eloqua. ", 106. Thats what all that adolescent, macho, male posturing and strutting in bars and locker rooms is all about. I recall many years ago, when he was guest-hosting the Tonight show, George Carlin having a somewhat strained political conversation with the comedian Shelley Winters. ", 59. I'm a cowboy who . The challenge is to find it. George Carlin, What if there were no hypothetical questions? George Carlin, The planet is fine. You know what they want? This cookie is installed by Google Universal Analytics to restrain request rate and thus limit the collection of data on high traffic sites. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. So they killed a lot of white English people in order to continue owning their black African people, so they could wipe out the rest of the red Indian people, in order to move west and steal the rest of the land from the brown Mexican people, giving them a place to take off and drop their nuclear weapons on the yellow Japanese people. The Bachelorette's Angie Kent and Carlin Sterritt have been on holiday together in Vietnam the past week and sharing lots of glamorous selfies. I don't have to tell you my favorite comedian just like I don't have to say my favorite meal to tell the chef his food sucks. Ice Cube also recently voiced concerns that neither political party would actually be able to make a positive change for the betterment of Black Americansand that's reportedly the rapper's whole reasoning for working with the White House on the Platinum Plan, which aims to develop Black businesses and communities. George Carlin quotes are hilarious. Its what our system produces: Garbage in, garbage out. They own all the important land. They own you. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Performance". ", 20. "Now, there's one thing you might have noticed I don't complain about: politicians. Am I right? "What if there were no hypothetical questions? ""Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities?